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Masonic Laughter


A new Worshipful Master is facing the problem of a mouse-infested Lodge. The last Master tried everything – traps, poison, an expensive exterminator, all to no avail. One night as the Brethren came to Lodge, they noticed that all the mice were gone! They asked the Worshipful Master how he had gotten rid of them. He replied,” I opened a Master Mason Lodge the other night and raised all of the mice to the Sublime Degree of Master Mason. I haven’t seen them in the Lodge since!”


A guy notices a man wearing a Masonic pin, so he asks him about it. “So you’re a Mason, eh? What do you guys stand for?” The Mason’s answer, “Three knocks…..”


A Mason who had just been installed as a Master Mason of his Lodge and was duly attending to all the functions he could, was having a hard time with his wife, who said, “All those Masters-in-office have to do is click their fingers and you would be there wouldn’t you? I wish I was a Master!” After due thought he said, “So do I dear, we swap them for new a one every year!”


The Eastern Star held a seminar about getting new members. During a break a brother happened to overhear one Worthy Matron say to another, “Ours is up ten.” The second Worthy Matron responded, “We’ve got you beat. Our Gain is twenty-five!”


The brother said, “Pardon me, sisters, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I couldn’t help hearing. That’s wonderful news! Between your chapters we’ve gotten thirty-five new members!”


“New members?” said the first, “We were talking about how many pounds our Worthy Patrons have gained this year!”


A young Entered Apprentice was being tested on his proficiency. After going over the signs and passwords, he looked at his tester and asked, “I noticed several of the older members sticking their fingers in their ears and whistling, what does that sign mean?”


That’s not a sign,” his tester said, “Those are Past Masters adjusting their hearing-aides!”


While I was visiting a newly initiated brother at home one day, his wife took me to one side and said her husband had started behaving very strange since joining the fraternity. I inquired, “In what way?” She responded, “He locks himself in the bathroom for hours on end mumbling to himself with his little blue book!” As the evening proceeded I turned the talk to Lodge matters and asked him how he was getting on. Oh fine, was his answer. I asked him about his odd behavior and if anything was wrong. No was his reply. So why read the blue book on the bathroom? “Well,” he said, “It’s the only TYLED room in the house.”


A man was convicted of murder and was about to be executed. Just before the sentence was carried out, the executioner asked the man if he had any last words.


“Yes,” came his reply, “I hate Masons!”


“Why do you hate Masons?” asked the executioner.


“The man I killed was a Mason,” explained the murderer, “The policeman who hunted me down was a Mason, the Prosecuting Council who tried my case was a Mason, the Judge who presided at the trial was a Mason, and all the men on the Jury who found me guilty and said I should be executed, were Masons!”


“Is that all?” asked the executioner.


“Yes” replied the man.


“Then you will advance, one step with your left foot, placing……”


A Doctor and a Plumber are in the same Lodge. On Sunday morning the Doctor wakes up to find his toilet blocked. So he calls the Plumber. “But I don’t work Sundays! Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” The Doctor said, “I don’t like working Sundays either but if you were in trouble, and felt unwell, Brother, I would come around and see you.” “OK” says the Plumber and he goes around to see the Doctor. Goes upstairs and looks at the toilet. Takes two aspirins from his pocket and throws them down the bowl. “There” he says, “if it’s not better tomorrow give me a ring and I will call around.”


Hope all you Brothers enjoy these.



Submitted by,


RW Jay Austin



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